Queer Secrets

Apr 27

Text (“I’m 17, and only relatively recently came out to my friends (and myself) as a trans man.

It’s been questioned by my friend who believes unless you were trans as a kid, you’re not really trans.

It’s been dismissed by my parents, who despite my requests still call me “she,” which hurts more than it should.

I should feel lucky my straight boyfriend is still with me, but every time he suggests that I’m only putting on an act, I sink a little deeper.

The worst part of it is the more they question me, the more I question myself.

I’m immersed in a stew of doubt and anxiety, and every day I

slip a little deeper

and I’m not sure I’ll be able to climb out.”) superimposed on plain black background.

Apr 26

[image description: Black background, text: “I’ve been trying to find a lightswitch to figure out what closet I’m in and how to get out. I found the lightswitch. Once the light was on, I realized the closet doesn’t matter. I decided to blow up the closet. Now there is no closet, and I’m just me… no labels that I have to stick by, and people can think whatever they want.]

[image: Black and white; a plain clothed teenaged boy standing in a dark, cloudy field looking down.
Text: Top of photo “I’m a gay man, and I love my boyfriend.” (1/4 way down) “But I can’t help falling for his best friend. That he also likes” (mid-way through photo) “We’re open about it, but the thing is…” (3/4 way down) “I’d like for us to start dating him” (bottom of photo) “I’m at a loss for words, and I don’t know what to do about my feelings:”]

Apr 25

<Text: I’m always very cautious when I start drinking with my friends.

I’m afraid I’ll drink a bit too much and become a bit too honest.

That I’ll tell you that I miss you like crazy and just want to be around you again.

Or that I’ll mention you to my girlfriend again and start a fight.

So now I’m the sad, sober girl whenever I go out, and I hate it.

Why can’t I just forget about you?>

[image: tan letter paper with silhouette of birds and tree branch. text: “I really wish my friends would stop telling me that now as I date man with trans history I should start idetify as pansexual. I am man in love with a man. What part of that makes me not gay? You people should really know better.”]

Apr 19

[image: closet door with white text “I have accepting friends and family, I go to a mostly homophobia-free school, and I live in a very liberal city. So why am I so afraid of coming out? I feel like a coward.”]

Apr 18

[Image: Black text on a white background.

Text: “I miss you” (repeated several times)

I am too prideful to tell you

it has hurt far too much

to learn I am not missed in return.]

Apr 16

[Image description: the genderqueer flag with text over it: While I have always felt like I was just a cisman “by default”, I hadn’t really thought about my gender identity because I didn’t really care what I was, genderwise. But now, suddenly, I’m genuinely feeling dysphoric about my body and my gender presentation. And up pop all these feelings that I’ll never pass, that noone will accept me, that I’m “really” cis and just “pretending” that I’m something else. Maybe things would just be easier if I never came out and just made it a little secret nobody else has to know but me.]

Apr 15

Image: genderqueer flag with asexual flag inset Text: I don’t think I have a gender. There’s nothing in my head that says ‘male’ or ‘female’ or ‘both’ or ‘neither’. I probably wouldn’t mind if one day I woke up a different sex. So why do I want to get rid of my breasts? Why can’t I be as sure of my gender as I am of my sexuality?

[image: cloud pattern with rainbow filter.

text:” I have finally concluded that I am queer after years of confusion and denial.

I have always thought of myself as an “open minded hetero,” as I’ve always had interests in women, but they were never the same as I’ve had in men. I know now that I’ve finally found a label that brings me relief and freedom.

I’m very accepting of myself in this light, but now I am so afraid of coming out, or even if I want to if there’s no woman in my life.

I know people suspect and I’ve always joked about it, but how do I own up to being queer if I’ve joked about not being a lesbian?

One revelation has brought me relief and also a whole new set of strife…”]

Apr 14

(Screenshot of word document with the following written on it:

I fell for my same sex friend, we mess around a bit, I say I love him and he jokingly says it back. I think he’s homophobic though. Sometimes it seems as if he likes me back but I don’t know if it’s just my wishful thinking. I go to sleep thinking about him and wake up wishing he was next to me.

I die a little, when he doesn’t talk to me )

Black text on a white background. The text reads:

I love you as a woman. I wouldn’t know how to love you as a man.
I don’t know if I’d be able to look at you the same way – the person with the soft skin and breasts that fit into my hands, once you change into the person who gets top surgery and is on testosterone, all the changes that come with that.
I wouldn’t be attracted to you, as a man.
I wouldn’t be able to love you the way you want me to.
You want me to stay in this relationship and love you the way you need me to, but I doubt my ability to do that.

I don’t know what to do; I’m at a loss.
We’re both so dejected. Our relationship is not the same anymore.
I’m so upset, I cry all the time, and I get panic attacks. I feel entirely alone, with no one to talk to, and no one to help me deal with this.
I’ve been thinking more and more about trying stupid, illogical things, if only they’ll make me feel better.

This is not the way it was supposed to be.
This is not the way we were supposed to be.

I’m sorry I can’t be who and what you need. I just don’t know what to do – for either of us.